would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she peed on how many people?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
