sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
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hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
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I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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