I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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