Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
