I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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