I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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