My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
