I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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