I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
