I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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