He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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