..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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