awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
time to smoke my breakfast
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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