So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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