I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so let's talk penis.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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