I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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