Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
