the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
