So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just google imaged poop.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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