Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
