idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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