Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.