I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.