Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not