I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think people are normalizing furries
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen