Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
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all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
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I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations