i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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