Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize