Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots