i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
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I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
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if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?