I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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