Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
