he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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