so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
