Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
