I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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