My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
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If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
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You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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