I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
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hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??