Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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