When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
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So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How does it feel to date your dad?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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