we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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