I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
