That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
