stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
