I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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