Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
