you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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