dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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