am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Terrible idea I love it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
