I only kidnapped one of them. chill
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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