hell yes lets make some ravioli
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
