nut hugger
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
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Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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