oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
