I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize