You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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